Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Random stuff

We were leaving a restaurant after lunch today and I noticed Caitlin had filled her diaper. So I headed to the bathroom with her and Dominic. When we got there Dominic decided that he had to go to the bathroom as well.
"Mom, I think this is going to be a really big poop job so I'm going to need lots of privacy."

I made some more clips for Caitlin and also some for my nieces for Christmas. This is becoming an expensive hobby. =)I'm the type of person that researches something to death if I'm interested in it. So when I found out I was pregnant I read all of the books I could get my hands on and listened to all of my friends talk about their experiences. If only parenting was that simple. I need some serious advice.
Dominic was playing today at Fit & Fun with a little boy. They had a rope and were playing their version of tug of war. They had been doing this off and on all morning. Dominic's little (bully) friend came up and wanted to be first in line with the rope. When he didn't get his way he proceeded to punch and shove Dominic. Finally Dominic had had enough and punched him back. I might add that the mom was watching the whole time. The boy burst into tears and ran to tattle to his mom. Dominic went back to playing, but was obviously upset. I asked him later why he didn't come talk to me or walk away. "Because then he'd take my rope and wouldn't let me play any." The little boy came to me and tried to tattle as well. Didn't go quite as he had hoped.
The moms I was sitting with were appalled and asked me why I didn't talk to the mom. Been there, done that. Didn't do any good.
So my question is this - Do I allow my child to punch if he's been punched first? Should he defend himself or turn the other cheek? Should I teach him to tattle also? This child is involved in almost everything we are so avoidance will only hurt Dominic by taking him away from friends and activities he enjoys. The books aren't being very helpful right now! =)

1 comment:

Jo Abair said...

I have had similar problems. Its hard to confront the other mom, but at the same time it might be best in this case. I have lost some associates, I cant say friends. They were women who parented differently and I am sure they felt I was incorrect in my requests of their child. My children do not enjoy fighting, some kids are okay with it. My son would end up punching back and feeling guilty for his part in the fight though he may have spent many play dates being bullied! I would eventually speak to the mom, and often the answer was defensive but a few moms came back to me to say she knew it was a problem, that others complained. She knew her child wasnt enjoyed by others and it bothered her. My kids sometimes do things that are unkind or un-enjoyable by others. I try to supervise in a way that to some is oversheltering, but I dont want MY kid to be the bully from a lack of leadership on my part! You seem to parent consistently and purposefully WITHOUT guilt. When a parent parents out of guilt, they may allow bullying and excuse it because they feel guilty to discipline the child they have allowed to become so. Again, my kids are FAR from perfect but by paying attention and staying consistent, other moms see ME jump up and defend when needed when its MY kids that are messing up! So moms can breathe a sigh of relief, one mom they dont have to approach. So you are doing both your children and the other child a favor by being supervisory rather than turning away and hoping they grow out of it...Dominic sounds like he has a great way of dealing with things, you have given him some strong tools in his life box which is fabulous. But you may end up having to be one the one to approach the mama who possibly isnt seeing the problems that her children/child are causing.
So if that sounded arrogant, sorry! I dont mean to. I just want to parent purposefully so I end up losing adults over kids and I am okay with that. Often the bully kids enjoy my company more than other mommies, its relieving to know the answer. I am/am not allowed to do this, there is no question so I know the rules, I can follow the rules because they never change so I have more fun. So you may end up being the favored mom by the kids if you are consistent and stand up against this.